Rejection Therapy

A friend of mine, Drew Dudley shared a story with me almost a year ago now about rejection therapy. This is my story of how rejection therapy taught me three simple daily tactics and actions that have brought more happiness and a deeper meaning to my life.

A successful multi-decade career in sales and marketing has led me to be what most would call resilient. When your worth is based on how much revenue you bring in the door or how many amazing creative and innovative campaigns you create, you absolutely learn how to manage rejection. Large-scale success does not come without it’s fair share of rejection.

You’re probably thinking, “well, if you had a better product, it wouldn’t be that hard.” Regardless of the effectiveness and popularity of your product, people buy from people. Most sales models agree that half of the buyer’s decision as to whether or not to buy is based on whether they like, trust and relate to the salesperson.

• Nielson tells us that 92% of people trust recommendations from individuals (even if they don’t know them) over brands.

• Messages shared by employees reached 561% further than those shared by company channels (Scribd.com).

• The average company (100-500 employees) have an average of 7 people involved in buying decisions (Gartner Group)

• 80% of sales calls require 5 follow-up calls (after you have presented your story of how you will solve their problems).

• 63% of people remember stories, only 5% remember stats (Chip & Dan Heath) – good storytellers (aka people) are more successful.

• Yes, the purpose of me including these here is to gain credibility in what I’m saying. I don’t actually expect that you will remember these stats, except that I am making the point that people buy from people!

Whether you’re a sales professional, a marketer, or just living life…it is filled with “rejection”. Professionally, the rejection is much easier to manage as you can always dismiss it as just business, or just as I have that it’s part of the process and the buying cycle takes time.

However, where I’d really like to focus today is out of the professional context. In our personal lives, we face rejection in a very different manner (some rejection is more obvious than others):

• "All good, I can handle this.”

• “I’m ok, thanks.”

• “I’m good, I’ll figure it out.”

• “Thank you, but…”

• “No, I’m not [insert adjective] awesome/kind/great/amazing/etc.

• “I wish someone would…”

I have caught myself delivering this type of rejection to people as well. Somehow, we think that if we throw a “thanks” into this rejection that it makes it better for either party. I think that we’ve come to accept this as grateful, but really over time it says “no”. Over the past 4 months, I have purposefully thrown myself out there more than usual. A Rejection Therapy session. I’ve always considered myself a strong resilient individual. Well, I stopped counting the rejections at 1,000. I’ll be honest it was tougher and tougher to accept as the scoreboard of rejection tallied up. Lesson #1, we all have a limit.

With that said, after hearing and listening to the words coming at me, I began to take notice in my own behaviours and words. Yes, you can say I was being hyper-sensitive or I was listening for things that may not have been there. I agree. However, what I believe to be more important to take note of is that over time I did started to build walls to protect myself. I wasn’t offering up the gratitude comments that I actually have come to live and practice. I wasn’t taking action to help others, and even worse I wasn’t even using what I would consider to be the weaker of the two, offering help to others. Then the last shoe fell so to speak, when I noticed that I wasn’t receiving those either. I wasn’t receiving help, words offering to help, or even words to see how I was doing. Lesson #2, the walls I built had worked! Nothing was coming in, and nothing was going out. Ouch. Not at all what I was striving for. A great example of the law of attraction in action...

In order to break or to disrupt the cycle, I have adopted the following actions:

• I always accept help when it’s offered.

• I always accept gratitude and compliments with a purposeful acknowledgement. I acknowledge it and do not diminish it with a compliment back. Instead I save my compliment for a more meaningful opportunity.

• “Thank you, that means the world to me.”

• “Thank you, I appreciate you stopping to share that with me.”

• “Thanks a million, you just made my day!”

• “Thanks for saying that, it makes me smile.”

• “Thanks for noticing, I have been working hard to improve that.”

• I ask for something, if I want it.

• The job, the project, the hug, the visit with a friend, the donation for a fundraiser, etc..

• I ask for help every single day.

• “I would really appreciate your help/insights with…”

• I’ve always practiced gratitude, but did lose sight of it temporarily. Good news is that I’m back on the wagon and more grateful than ever!

Ironic? If you look at it all laid out here, yes. I was deflated by rejection so I put myself out there more? Yes!!! And I feel great because of it! However, I’ve put myself out there in a very different way, I have humanized myself again. Remember what I was trying to illustrate with the stats (that you’ve forgotten from above)? People buy from people. People relate to people. People want to connect to people. Heck, that’s why yawning is contagious! So when I respond to the world around me in this humanized vulnerable manner I have witnessed the following:

• I have a fresh made latte handed to me every single morning.

• I have prepared fewer meals because someone else in my house steps up to happily contribute.

• I have fewer chores because someone else in my house steps up to help.

• I have more professional job and project prospects opening up than before.

• Some even materialize without me even having to ask for them!

• I have the time for fitness, sleep, work, family, friends, me, and everything that I want to do in a day.

After 1,000 rejections (and disrupting the cycle) I can absolutely say I’m strong and wiser. However, I am stronger and wiser by way of being vulnerable. More specifically, I have learned deeper meaning and happiness through vulnerability therefore I am stronger and wiser!

With all that said, if you were to take away the following 3 pearls from my rejection therapy analysis, I would be eternally grateful!

1. Always accept a compliment, kind gesture, or an offer to help.

• You may not necessarily need the help, in which case offer an alternative way the individual can help. Don’t close the door on them, because they may not be strong enough to get to 1,000 rejections before they stop asking.

• You will strengthen your relationships.

• Maybe by demonstrating by way of your actions, those around you will learn to accept yours in return? Perhaps they’ll learn that it isn’t weak to accept help?

1. Ask for help. Just try it!

• Nothing says “I trust you” or “I value you” or “You’re important to me” like “I would really like your help”.

• Your relationships will be stronger, others will accept your offers more often, and you’ll just feel even better for it!

1. Ask for the sale. Ask for the donation. As for what you want.

You will be surprised how many times you will receive a “yes”.

After you’ve tried these 3 actions in both your personal and professional life for a week, let me know…I’d love to know how it worked out for you.